Did I mention that she's 91??
Today was "seniors" at church. Basically it's a social hour of lunch, bingo, chatter, etc at the church hall every other Monday. Usually my mom brings her and drops her off, but my mom was busy this morning so the chore fell on my shoulders.
First of all gran was NOT amused by the switchup. Mom is the one who is supposed to drive her around. Not me. She doesn't appreciate change. So the switch to me was particularly annoying. THEN we start the leaving the house routine....
Gran: "Close those windows"
Me: "nope. I'm only dropping you off at church and will be right home:
Gran: "I SAID CLOSE THOSE WINDOWS. Anyone can come in this house"
Me: "Why? We're going to be gone for 10 minutes. I'll be home. LETS GO".
Gran: "Where's my purse?"
Me: "In the den. Where's your cane?"
Gran: "I'm not taking my cane to church"
Me: "OH YES YOU ARE"
Gran: "NO I'm NOT. Gimme that damn thing" (and she throws it to the ground)
Me: "TAKE YOUR CANE"
Me: (picking up the cane) "You need the cane take the cane. I will carry it out, but you WILL take the cane"
Gran: "I don't need the damn cane" (then she stumbles. I give her the cane)
We get to seniors....repeat said conversation with me thrusting the cane in her old lady hands and making her use it. Now mind you that we are at SENIORS and the average age in the hall is about 80 and a good 75% of the old fogies have canes. But gran is OH SO VAIN that she can't be seen with her red with pink polka dots cane.
Yes. Her nickname when she was younger was Diamond because she thought she was better than everyone else.
She still does.