Granny hates fans

Granny hates fans.

Actually, Gran hates anything that uses electricity. But she REALLY hates fans.

It's been hot lately. Which means that my fat self is using the fans to keep cool. This does not make for a happy house!! As soon as the sun goes down Gran hefts herself out of the red chair and goes on patrol. This means that every window, every door must be shut and locked tight. No matter that it's over 80 degrees in this house, IT'S DARK! therefore we MUST shut the house.

I disagree.

I believe that after dark it gets COOL outside and we must OPEN the house to get air. So she shuts, I open. This isn't new. We do this every day. No, now I add in FANS! Granny HATES them. She turns them off. I turn them on. This leads to the nightly mexican standoff. It goes something like this:

Gran: Why is that door open? Why is there a fan in that door? Turn that off. Close that door.

Me: No. It's hot. I'm sitting in here, you are sitting in the den, I want the door open, the door stays open.

Gran: THIS IS MY HOUSE! CLOSE THAT DOOR.

Me: I LIVE HERE TOO. I PAY THE ELECTRICITY BILL, I WANT THE FAN THE FAN STAYS

Gran: I SAID CLOSE THAT DOOR. CLOSE THAT DOOR AND TURN THAT FAN OFF RIGHT NOW.

Me: Why? What for?

Gran: (standing and looking confused) BECAUSE IT'S DARK.

Me: There is a security door. It is locked. It's 80 degrees in this house. I want the door open. As soon as your ass hits that red chair in the den, I will open the door again. Might as well give up.

Gran: THIS IS MY HOUSE.

Me: We covered that.

Gran: (stalks off in a huff)

Now....repeat this conversation at least three times. Add in the

Gran: What is that fan doing on in that bedroom if nobody's in there.

Me: Gran, it's hot, it's cooling it off

Gran: Turn it off.

Me: No, that's my room, I want it on, I'll turn it off when I go to bed

Gran: I said turn it off

Me: I pay the electricity bill, THE FAN STAYS.

Repeat

And then there's my favorite. The ceiling fan in my room and the office are both hooked to the light switch. Therefore when the light goes off the fan goes off. Simple? Not so much.

I hear "clank" "clank" "clank" and realize that gran, who is too short to really reach the fan is trying to turn it off and is letting the chains hit the globes.

I tell her that the fan goes off when the light goes off. This leads to a screaming match about fans and electricity.

I wonder what she'd do if we had air conditioning?? hummmm.......